The Seven Samurai

Oh the irony . . .

2007-05-30T09:02:00.000-05:00

Florida's largest lake, and greatest source of fresh water, is drying up and is ON FIRE! The Global Warming "myth" coming back to haunt the folks who kept Al Gore outta the White House in 2000.

An actual quote:

"That's almost like a science fiction scenario, or I sure hope so," said Susan Gray, the district's Lake Okeechobee program director.

Unfortunately, there's nothing fictional about that science.

Poll question:

Florida in 2025 . . .

Underwater

or

A desert island . . .

You're awesome!!!

2007-05-30T07:03:00.000-05:00

See, we're not crazy. It is true . . .

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10538676

Sad, but oh so very true . . .

Here's a gold star for reading my blog today :-)

Not to alarm anyone . . .

2007-05-28T09:53:00.001-05:00

But what the hell is going on inside Mars . . .

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap070528.html

Computer Tips pt. 2

2007-05-28T07:27:00.000-05:00

Probably the most overlooked setting on your computer is the Firewall. Any virus/spyware/malware/trojan etc. that ends up on your computer will either open a new portal, or reopen a closed portal. Lots of minor viruses actually open a new portal, download a nastier virus and then shut off your Anti-virus software before attempting to take over your computer (this only works for anything by Symantec and McAfee BTW). So, in order to keep your computer safe you must check your Firewall settings regularly.

Windows Firewall blocks unknown programs, while allowing exceptions for approved programs, so they can run as though you were operating them. This gives them to permission to move about your computer and the internet freely. Which is great for automatically downloading program updates, or You Tube videos, but it can also be exploited by a virus that poses as you (or an authorized program).

Here's how to button it up:

1. Open Control Panel
2. Open Windows Firewall
3. Make sure it is set to "on"
4. Click the "Exceptions" tab
5. Uncheck "UPnP Framework", "Remote Assistance", "Remote Desktop", "File and Printer Sharing" and (unless you actually use AOL) anything that's called "AOL".

Finally, you will also need to uncheck anything that looks suspicious. This is the tricky part, but remember if you uncheck something and a program has trouble logging on to the internet, you can always go back and check the box again. The exceptions for most legit programs look like the name of the program itself. If something doesn't look right uncheck it and see what happens.

9 times out of 10 when a computer is infected this is the first place a virus shows up, often times posing as an anti-virus program that you never installed on your computer.

Coming Next:

How speed up your computer without spending money.

I was going to do a top ten list

2007-05-06T05:20:00.000-05:00

But it just is too hard to compile all of the best computer tips in one place. So, here's the first in a series:

Every computer should have these things installed:

1. C Cleaner keeps your hard drive squeaky clean.
2. Process Explorer is Task Manager on steroids.
3. AVG is the best anti-virus available anywhere.
4. Ad Aware is easy to use, and works better then anything else I've tried.

And, everyone should have an account here to back up, and/or share important documents.

Rage Against the Machine - unplugged

2007-04-30T01:49:00.000-05:00

y ahora que?

Add to My Profile | More Videos

More information regarding the Coalition of Immokalee Workers here

And, more info about Rage Against the Machine here and here

We distort . . . you decide . . .

2007-03-15T13:26:00.000-05:00

Faux news at it's best. I have a new favorite blog.

Almost the Platonic Archetype

2007-03-10T17:25:00.000-05:00

Chick #1 perusing lunch specials: God, that is so guh-ross!
Chick #2: What now?
Chick #1: That bloody roast beef thing right there... All of that red meat... It's the flesh of animals! It's so cruel and it makes me sick. I'm a total vegan these days.
Chick #2: Huh. Wait, didn't you have a bacon and egg sandwich this morning?
Chick #1, haughtily: Yeah, but that's not the actual flesh of any animal, now is it?
Chick #2: Wow. You are the first real idiot I've ever met.

--Cafe Europa, 6th Ave

Overheard by: BellaStella

What is my job like?

2007-03-07T11:34:00.000-05:00

It's as we suspected . . .

2007-03-02T09:05:00.000-05:00

Cold comfort, but at least it's in print.

A Summer of Love

2007-02-26T19:46:00.000-05:00

I would be remiss if I didn't point this out. My long time (and in some cases, long suffering) friends understand what this means to me. Essentially the greatest rock and roll band of my generation is getting back together for a summer tour. It will, in all probability, look something like this.

Food Reviews

2007-02-25T18:56:00.000-05:00

Our good friends at McSweeney's have published their "Reviews of New Food".

As usual it is very entertaining.

Eddie Izzard

2007-02-24T15:51:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me, know that I am a HUGE Eddie Izzard fan, and with the exception of the dreadful "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" I love everything he's in.

So I am very excited about his new show. It's on FX, the people who brought us "Nip/Tuck", "The Shield", "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and "Dirt" so it promises to be as over the top as the previews make it out to be.

It starts March 12th. And as long as it doesn't clash with BSG everything will be good in my TV viewing world.

2007-02-23T16:24:00.000-05:00

I have a new favorite ice cream. If you are as patriotic as me you'll have a new favorite too. It's fairly and balancedly filled with carmel swirl. There's truthiness in every luscious bite.

I want a robot.

2007-02-19T12:37:00.000-05:00

it's under there . . . . trust me

2007-02-16T22:03:00.000-05:00

um . . . yeah . . .

2007-02-14T16:38:00.000-05:00

2007

2007-02-11T18:47:00.000-05:00

As many of you know I've endured a great deal over the past 4 months. The deaths of three close friends within 5 weeks of each other, the last coming just weeks before Christmas, frankly, brought me to my knees. We also went through a very difficult phase with the businesses and it took a lot out of both of us. I made it through these events in part because of the great love and support of my friends. And then January brought it's own bizarre events that will make my memoirs just that much more exciting.

I am in the process of trying to determine exactly how I should approach this blog, I had actually considered deleting it until a couple of you stepped in and stopped me. Now that I've decided to keep it, I have some issues that I will need to put to bed. The first is that over the next few months I will be posting tributes to my recently departed friends. This is a very difficult thing for me, but I have to make the attempt.

The second is my work life. It is going very well after some serious trouble, but I have decided against 'blogging' it. I just can't compromise my position at the company with poorly thought out diatribes. I also won't be posting any more of my retail hell experiences, mainly because I am not working on the retail floor any longer (NOSOAPFORYOU!!!). And to be honest the self-centered nature of our culture is boring me to tears, so I'm done pointing it out, because to be honest, no one cares.

I will be revisiting some old stomping grounds, Mashups, Tony Bourdain, BSG, Geeky stuff, Current TV, The Colbert Report, and The Daily Show and some new stuff like computer tips and tricks, iTunes, and my thoughts on other new technology.

Stay tuned for a pretty big "blog makeover" and some updated functionality . . .

And possibly a name change . . .

...:::T:::...

link-a-polloza

2006-10-27T17:07:00.000-05:00

This is my all time favorite mashup

This my newest favorite mashup. I am unable to turn it off . . .

This is my newest favorite website

And this is a video that you cannot miss.

Enjoy.

finally

2006-10-06T06:48:00.000-05:00

dishbeautylounge.com

the website cometh

2006-09-09T07:37:00.000-05:00

We are entering the final stages of website design. Everyone is working feverously on the Beta version now, and within a week we will launch the full version, in all it's splendid glory.

So, until I get more then a few hours sleep, and my eyes adjust to light other then an LCD screen you will have to amuse yourselves with these sites.

http://www.lifehacker.com/

http://picasa.google.com/

I can't wait to tell you how, for the first time in my life, a dilbert cartoon mimiced my day to day routine to a tee.

Sad but true, boys and girls, sad but true . . .

Wait until Sean Connery hears about this . . .

2006-08-22T11:16:00.000-05:00

In a world gone mad . . .

At Kathy's request . . .

2006-08-19T14:50:00.000-05:00

I give you:

Husband:(looking at spa menu, while wife tries on every single product), "At your your spa it says you do waxing?"

Me: Yes.

H: "Chest waxes are 50 dollars and up, does it depend on the size of the boobs or what?"

Me: No.

H: "Do you get alot of people asking you questions like that?"

Me: No.

H: "Jeez, I'd think that it would occur to every guy who walks in here"

Me: Um-hum.

H: "Sorry, I just hate these products and spas, I think it is such a waste of money"

Me: Yup.

H: "I mean come one why would you waste money on this stuff?"

Me: (inaudible)

H: (To wife)" Come on honey don't you need one of those Brazilian waxes? Isn't that where you take off all of the pubic hair? Don't you need that?"

Wife: (To H) "We can talk about that later"

H: "Sorry, I just don't get it . . ."

I told you so . . .

2006-08-19T14:34:00.000-05:00

US: Blah. Blah. Blah. Human Rights. Taiwan. Trade Deficit. Iran. North Korea.

China: STFU

At this point I'd like to go on the record, recommending this class to all of my friends and relations.

Make mine a Bobby Martini

2006-08-12T06:57:00.000-05:00

Have a soothing bobby martini today.

ok go . . . again . . .

2006-08-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

Drive Accross America

2006-06-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

Via: VideoSift

A timelapse trip across America. Very soothing.

Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball

2006-06-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

Via: VideoSift

Trigger Happy

2006-06-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

Kathy and I love this show.

It was on Comedy Central for a while, but hasn't been on in years. As far as I know there were only two seasons, and season one (where all of these clips come from) is by far the funnier of the two. It puts all of the other "reality" and "hidden camera " shows to shame. Some language is NSFW.

Deep down you knew it was true . . .

2006-06-09T15:30:00.000-05:00

Seriously now . . . did we actually need yet another sign of the apocolypse

2006-05-27T13:29:00.000-05:00

Yikes. What does this mean?

I was really pulling for Old Milwaukee Ice . . .

2006-05-20T15:42:00.000-05:00

A list of the worst beers in the world.

And the best . . .

And my personal favorite

A robotic elephant is the coolest thing ever

2006-05-09T16:30:00.000-05:00

Via: VideoSift

Watch It!

2006-05-09T14:08:00.000-05:00

Can you count how many times the words "fucking" and "asshole" are most likely uttered off camera?

Ride with a NYC bike messenger.

You may want some motion sickness medicine.

Brilliant!

2006-05-06T10:15:00.000-05:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

These are the chaps in the video.

Truly awe inspiring . . .

What's the next wave in the spa industry?

2006-05-02T12:26:00.000-05:00

Is nothing sacred?

This gives me a great idea . . .

To the Vomitorium!

Extreme Makeover Sistine Edition

2006-04-08T10:45:00.000-05:00

A Burlington architecture firm was hired to do a minor interior renovation of a church in Burke, Vermont. Take a look at what they found under the disgusting 50's era drop ceiling.

Deep Thoughts

2006-04-05T16:13:00.000-05:00

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people" - me - today at 4:30p.m.

Vanity Fare

2006-04-04T15:51:00.000-05:00

O.K., After some arm twisting, I am forced to admit that it is a good thing that Vanity Fair is publishing their 'Green' issue. Yes, the more we spread the word about the sorry state of our environment . . . yadda, yadda, yadda, the world is a better place for every living thing.

But, if you really want to get your hands dirty (so-to-speak) read Grist.

And if you haven't already, read some Edward Abbey.

And then send a contribution to The Nature Conservancy.

Finally, post a picture to Fuck You and Your H2

Led Zeppelin . . . thieves?

2006-03-25T15:40:00.000-05:00

O.K we all love LZ, but it is very interesting to actually hear the music that "inspired" many of our favorite songs. Several are plagerized almost note for note, but most are fairly obvious copies of tunes from the fifties and sixties . Most are blues tunes, but many are folk songs. Apparently JP and RP have been recently fessing up to the more blatent ones. Good for them, they made tons of money and they should come clean and give song writing credit where credit is due.

You'll probably end up listening to some but not all of these, but if you have the time and the bandwidth it is all pretty interesting stuff.

Part 1 Some of the more blatent ones, including the famous Willie Dixon song "You Need Love"

Part 2 Very interesting especially the song that influanced Stairway to Heaven

Part 3 A odd mix, some obscure but most are easily recognizable

Enjoy, and then go listen to LZ IV again and reassure yourself of their musical genius.

Too cute for words

2006-03-25T10:58:00.000-05:00

Kathy made me post this link.

Cat lovers will enjoy how scared the dogs are in the presence of this feline, dog lovers will enjoy 10 puppies being, well, puppies . . .

Sick and tired of being tired and sick . . .

2006-03-15T11:19:00.000-05:00

I'm down with some viral crap. I am feeling better everyday. Which isn't saying much because I thought that I was dying last week. Anyway, here's some video to keep you occupied.

Videosift

iFilm

Back soon . . .

It's all about perspective

2006-03-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

http://www.czabe.com/mediaclips/index.shtml?a=showclip&id=407

Don't ask me how they do it.

2006-03-02T11:56:00.000-05:00

Just sit back and enjoy the timeless beauty of these gems.

Bangers and Mash

2006-02-26T17:51:00.000-05:00

Here is a very nice Rolling Stones remix by the Neptunes. And here's the infamous Dean Grey "American Edit" album. It's a mashup of the Grammy winning album "American Idiot" by Green Day. It's been under assault from the record label and it may of may not be available. But if you can manage to listen to it, you'll enjoy it.

V dub in da house . . .

2006-02-24T13:02:00.000-05:00

Yo, check these new Volkswagen TV ads. Funny . . . Ja!

Not that you would anyway . . .

2006-02-21T15:22:00.000-05:00

But please don't order from Domino's pizza. This man doesn't need any more cash.

RSS Feed

2006-02-20T14:20:00.001-05:00

If you know what that means, then you'll undestand why I'm posting this here.

Beck + AC/DC + Micheal Jackson =

2006-02-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

this

Can't stop myself from listening to . . .

this "Been caught stealin' your rump"(Kathy's favorite, Janes + Prince + Beasties)

Or this "Jay Z is crazy in love" (Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Saliva)

Or this "Legalize a Reggae Woman" (Buju Banton + Stevie Wonder)

Or this "Say my name of the tiger" (you can figure this one out on your own)

I may have an unhealthy obsession with this one (Jay-Z and Nina)

For the uninitated these are mashups, where two or more songs are 'mashed' together to create a mix, sometimes funny, sometimes stupid, and occasionally really great. I just can't get enough of them. The two sites below are some of the best places to find them, but they are all over the web.

My favorite mash-up site.

Here's another great mashup site.

You do learn something new everyday.

2006-02-17T11:58:00.000-05:00

I learned that even though I'm 41, you are never too old to learn this little trick. Hailing a cab will never be the same.

Cheney's got a gun

2006-02-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

Sing along

Posh Nosh

2006-02-12T08:44:00.000-05:00

Perhaps the best cooking show on TV. Certainly better then anything on the food network.

Thanks J-ski

Can you hear me now?

2006-02-03T11:14:00.000-05:00

We all know the terrible beauty of the constantly connected world. Unlike some retailers I've opted to not hang the "No Cell Phones Please" sign on the door. Despite having to endure four inane cell phone conversations simultaniously, "What?","I'm in soapdish . . . soapdish . . . soapdish . . . no not soupdish . . . soapdish . . .", "Where?", "I can't hear you . . . what?".

I've taken the questionable stance that it's inevitable, so I'm going with the flow. One of our employees was in Thailand last month and she told us that while she was getting a massage her therapist stopped five times to answer her phone, and held three to five minute conversations. So color me resigned to he future of communication. On that note I give you:

Can you hear me now?

Customer enters.

Customer: I tried calling you earlier

Tim: I'm sorry I missed your call, I've been very busy this morning . . .

C: I called five times

T: I'm sorry I didn't get your message . . .

C: I didn't leave a message

T: Oh, well the phone's been ringing off the hook . . .

C: I called five times

T: I'm sorry about that . . . What can I do for you today?

C: Well . . . I wanted information about your spa . . .

Our voice mail message lists the store hours and spa phone number, so had she listened to the message she would have had the number to call for spa information.

T: No problem, what information were you looking for?

C: Um . . . I . . . (Soapdish phone starts ringing) Do you need to answer that?

T: No, that's o.k. I'm with a customer (smiles)

C: You are? (looks around the store)

T: Yes . . .

C: Oh . . . um . . . (looks around the store one more time)

T: You

C: Oh . . . what's the phone number for the spa?

T: It's 657 . . . (customer's cell phone starts ringing)

C: Hello . . . what? . . . where's that? . . . did you make reservations? . . . what? . . . when? . . . Soapdish . . . Soapdish . . . whatever . . . what? . . . o.k. . . . bye

T: It's 657.3233

C: What?

T: The spa phone number . . .

C: What was it again?

T: 657.3233

Now, don't get me wrong, I realize that sometimes it can be frustrating when you need to get a hold of someone and you can't get through. But, come on now, we can all remember the time before cell phones, answering machines, voice mail, wi-fi, etc. So all I'm asking of people is to put all of this in perspective.

Yes, I can hear you loud and clear . . .

Great Bargins!

2006-01-18T11:19:00.000-05:00

I am really hoping to score one of those great old metal desks, you know the ones in the Restoration Hardware catalog that weigh a million pounds.

Nothing's Shocking

2006-01-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

When I first heard "Mountain Song" used in a Coor's Lite beer commercial I was deeply disturbed. Can Bad Brains doing a McDonald's commercial be far behind?

Now there's this.

1610

2006-01-11T17:43:00.000-05:00

That's as far back as my family history goes, recording the birth of Robert James Douglas in Scotland. No doubt he and my other ancestors feasted on this delicacy. Something this unusual (basically fish roasted until it's inedible) could only come from the people who brought you offal stuffed sheep's stomach.

This is the cookbook that I'm reading right now.

I guess it's just something in my genes.

The Best Blonde Joke Ever . . .

2006-01-06T17:07:00.000-05:00

A great many people on the internet say this is the greatest blonde joke ever. A GREAT many people.

Best of the "Best of . . ."

2005-12-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

Most "top ten albums of the year" lists are pretty boring. Andrew's is never boring and I always find at least one that becomes an instant favorite.

Happy Dumbass New Year!

2005-12-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

Because we can't all be brain surgeons.

Everybody poops

2005-12-14T16:08:00.000-05:00

O.k let me see if I can tell this story and do it justice.

Woman and small child enter.

Woman wanders the store "oooing and ahhing" about all the "pretty things"

Child stands five feet from the counter and adopts a stance that can only be described as "sumo-like". From the grimace on her face Alison and I quickly deduce that she is taking a dump in her diaper.

The mother, noticing her little shitter from across the room says . . .

and I quote . . .

"Are you pooping?"

"yeeeeesssssssss" comes the pained reply.

"Oh dear, don't push too hard you'll hurt yourself"

Woman turns away and resumes her browsing.

Child starts to look pained and for several agonizing minutes we are transfixed by her efforts.

Mother calls for child to "come and see the pretty things".

Child struggles to walk bow-legged across the store.

Mother attempts to pick up child...............

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Mother puts down child.

More pooping ensues.

Mother finally picks up the now soiled and screaming toddler and walks out of the store, cooing "did my sweetie take a poop?"

"yeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss"

Good thing we sell room sprays . . .

Retail Hell

2005-12-07T14:18:00.000-05:00

I'm too tired to post a new retail horror story, so you're on your own.

Black Fucking Friday

2005-11-25T11:17:00.000-05:00

So, today is the day. A day to rejoice in the glory of the short-sighted American consumer. Walmart, Target, Best Buy and thier ilk will reap windfall profits on this day as people can't seem to get enough disposable crap made in Chinese labor camps. Ooooo . . . a $25 DVD player, how will you ever survive without one of those? I'm sure it's good quality, didn't you notice that the box is red, white and blue.

Small businesses will fight for the sloppy seconds as the shopping public, dazed from their 5:00 a.m. wake-up call stumble around comparison shopping, struggling to check price tags through glassy eyes. With a little luck and the reassurance of regular customers, small business owners will make it through another holiday season, holding their head, soaking their feet, and struggling to come up with the energy to do it all over again next year.

To that end I give you:

Tim's Top Ten Things NEVER To Say To A Retailer:

- Have you been busy? How's your business doing?

- We just got back from three weeks vacation in Belize.

- You wouldn't understand, you don't have children.

- Are you hiring?

- Do you think that Walmart hurts your business?

- Do you carry _______? You should it's fabulous.

- I just bought this same thing at a store down the street.

- We just went to see _____ (name of a movie), have you seen it?

- You should: Eat better. Exercise. Relax. Read more. Take a vacation. Meditate. Do yoga

- Don't you ever get a weekend off?

- I saved, like, $4 by ordering it online.

- I love your store. I bought something there last year.

- How's business?

The proper response for all of these statements is a hearty "Fuck You".

Happy Holidays!

The game is a foot

2005-11-19T17:19:00.000-05:00

This makes me very excited. It's kind of geeky I know but what can I say I love that guy.

Bird Flu

2005-11-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist (thanks Ron):

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1. High fever 2. Congestion 3. Nausea 4. Fatigue 5. Aching in the joints 6. An irresistible urge to shit on somebody's windshield

Eddie Izzard

2005-11-14T15:24:00.000-05:00

Eddie seemed so smart when he was talking about the Pilgrams. It seems that apparently science isn't his bag. But no matter, he's still the funniest 6' 3" cross-dressing comedian since Uncle Milty.

Check him out in Dressed To Kill, Glorious, and Definite Article. His best works by far. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to wear women's undergarments.

Saturday in Retail Hell

2005-11-12T10:26:00.000-05:00

Retailers, we are not alone here in Pergatory.

"The eagle never lost so much time, as when
he submitted to learn of the crow. " - William Blake

My Birthday . . . yada yada yada . . .

2005-11-09T13:41:00.000-05:00

Another birthday comes and goes. After reaching middle-age and taking a survey of the scenery, I have to say that if I didn't have all these distractions I might actually enjoy being in my forties. Someday when all this passes I'll be sure to look back on these years and marvel at my resiliance.

Here's something weird, Kathy and I went to this winery back in 97 on vacation.

Sad but true.

My worst nightmare

2005-11-05T10:51:00.000-05:00

This is the worst nightmare of every person whose ever worked in the restaurant business. When that scary dishwasher you smoked a joint with 20 years ago, gets out of prison and decides to look you up. It is a truly tragic story and a cautionary tale to those of us who've worked for years right at the edge of society, with people on their way up out of the gutter, and people entering the early stages of the downward spiral of drugs and violence. There are easily a dozen people that I've worked with in the past that would scare the crap out of me if I ran into them on the street. I've seen some pretty 'normal' guys lose their shit and end up in some serious trouble, the ones that were always on the edge back then are truly the most frightening.

edit: For those of you not from Vermont, Jay Peak is a ski resort.

Question of the day

2005-11-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

C: Do you have soap that doesn't have any soap in it?

T: I'm sorry, soap without soap in it?

C: Yes, soap without any soap in it.

T: I have lots of soap, but I don't think that I have any that is soap-free.

C: That's a shame it's the only thing that I can use on my body. You should get some.

T: I'll have to look into that . . .

Halloween

2005-11-02T10:42:00.000-05:00

Napolean Dynamite was the hands down favorite costume this year. It's a little weird thinking that ten year olds are into this movie. I've decided that I am offically getting old when I just don't get all the pop culture references in kids costumes. I used to be pretty good at these kinda things, but other then the occasional Darth Vader I'm in the dark. No great costumes this year which is a shame, but we did have record numbers of kids (well over 200) and a record amount of candy was purchased (and much of it eventually consummed) by yours truly.

Battlestar Galactica

2005-10-31T10:52:00.000-05:00

If you haven't caught the new Battlestar Galactica on the SciFi channel, you're really missing some cool shit. I think it's even better the the Dune series that was on SciFi. It's kinda geeky at first but it will suck you in like a Cronenberg film. Don't say I didn't warn you. You can rent season one at your video store.

Back from a loooong hiatus

2005-10-29T12:44:00.000-05:00

So, how've you been? Good, good. Me? Oh fine, just fine. Things have been very stressful around the old ranch these days. Yup, still working too much. No, no still not married. I know fifteen years is a very long time. We barely have time to do all of the things we need to do for the businesses. Oh, yes, you haven't heard? We opened our spa last year, almost exactly a year ago today. It's going o.k., you know gas prices and GWB's economic vodoo has really hurt small business and we're no exception. Yeah, you could say that it's been a very stressful year *laughs*, that's the understatement of the year. I guess I felt like I needed to start posting here again in order to chronicle my life and times. Postarity and all that rot. So here goes.

The rebirth of a blog . . .

Those of you new to this thing should go back and read a few of the older posts (especially Mr. / Mrs. Tourist)

Retail Hell

2004-12-05T06:50:00.000-05:00

O.K. here it is boys and girls, your chance to tell your worst customer stories. Just hit 'comment' and vent your spleen. I know you have some whoppers to tell (especially you ladies at SLJ) so here's your chance to tell the world, or at least the dozens of people reading this thing . . .

Question of the day:

C: "My husband bought something for me here a couple of years ago, do you still have it?"

Me:" What was it?"

C: "I don't remember? But his brother bought one too, if that helps?"

Me:" Can you be a little more speciific?"

C:"Um . . . well . . . it was really nice . . ." *shrugs*

Enjoy yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, I'm not posting as much as I could because I picked up a stomach virus from one of the filthy bastards (oops, I mean customers) that feels like it came directly from the heart of the Amazon.

So, enjoy yourselves.

Tim

Kinda says it all, don't you think?

2004-11-11T14:57:00.000-05:00

Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare -- Japanese proverb

Birthday

2004-11-06T11:51:00.000-05:00

The best present I could recieve for my birthday would be, to not reminded of the election for an entire day.

People who share my birthday:

Albert Camus
Joni Mitchell
Billy Graham
Leo Trotsky
Dana Plato

Movie recomendations

2004-11-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

Feel free to post any film recomendations in the comment section:

Here's some of my more recent favorites:

12 angry men

the mancurian candidate

high and low

and if you need a laugh:

eddie izzard's dressed to kill

Halloween, the numbers . . .

2004-11-01T09:40:00.000-05:00

250+ trick or treaters
5 kids dressed as carrots, who replied "thanks a bunch" in unison after recieving their treats
11 spidermans
9 batmans
1 captain america
1 samurai (with geisha)
1 teenage couple dressed as bride and groom, the guy dressed as the bride, the girl as the groom (gotta love living in Vermont)
7 dr. suess characters
1 ghost of babe ruth

and,

25+ pieces of candy that went into our stomachs instead of the kids bags . . .

O.K. Times up . . .

2004-10-28T17:33:00.000-05:00

I was really willing to enjoy the Red Sox victory up until lunchtime today. Then reality slowly crept in and it became just another day. Tommorow I'll wake up and remember who I am, and what being a Yankees fan means to me, and it'll be back to the same old, same old.

T.V. News

2004-10-28T15:46:00.000-05:00

I rarely watch television news programs and whenever I catch a brief glimpse of one I am shocked at the obvious lack of intelligence displayed by these so-called "journalists". While the pundits must be forgiven for their ignorant blathering, it is really a shame to see what was once a noble calling (that of journalist) cast down to the lowest common demoninator. One doesn't have to look far to see the depths that they have sunk to. I suppose it was damn near inevitable that once corporations got involved and money became the driving force that journalistic integrity (remember that phrase?) would take a back seat. But, for crying out loud, the truly bizzare nature of cable and network news shows is just appalling. I can't imagine what life must be like for the people who watch this drivel and believe every word.

I've seen several shows that seem to buck the trend, the most notable being "Frontline" on PBS, and on occasion "Lou Dobbs" on CNN have shown glimpses of what journalism used to stand for; the investigation and exposure of facts, and an in-depth explaination of current events. But overall I am always left with a bad taste in my mouth whenever I watch more than ten minutes of any news program from FOX to ABC and back again. They are all guilty of pandering and worse still, setting aside hundreds of years of journalistic ethics in order to bring the opium to the masses.

We can only hope that over the next few years they see the error of their ways and rebel against the advertizing juggernaut that has been unleashed through television. Then, perhaps we might be able to sit down and watch the evening news without the fear that some coporate
puppetmaster, sitting in a boardroom on Madison Ave., is pulling the strings.

I am not going to hold my breath.

Bumper Stickers

2004-10-28T15:41:00.000-05:00

I've seen two this week that I like:

"U.S. out of Vermont"

and

"Save a cow, eat a vegetarian" (made from a "Save a cow, eat vegetarian" sticker)

So Many Lawn Signs, So Little Time

2004-10-20T10:28:00.000-05:00

What is up with all these lawn signs? In the past few days my neighborhood has sprouted hundreds of them. I'm feeling a little nervous that I don't know who any of these people are, and soon enough they will be representing me. The ones that say "re-elect ______" really freak me out because I haven't a clue who ______ is.

Since I'm feeling kinda left out I'm thinking of putting a blank sign on my lawn.

I guess soon enough they will come down and I'll forget all about them. I'll also forget the people whose names are on them. But I won't forget who had which sign, and then I will be forever judging them by their choice of lawn ornament. I wonder what that says about me?

"Mr./Mrs. Tourist" Redux

2004-10-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

This is taken from conversations, or experiences, I have had in the store. Enjoy.

Originally posted Saturday, July 03, 2004

Dear Mr./ Mrs. Tourist,

Hi there, welcome to my small city, yes it is very cute, thank you. Yes, we do love living here very much. Yes, the people here are very nice. Oh, yes we love owning a store here in this slice of heaven. Yes of course you can use our bathroom. Oh yes, it is very funny that your child has just smeared a twenty dollar lip stick tester all over his face, of course you can use my bathroom to clean up junior. Perhaps you could use our bathroom to change your baby's diaper instead of the floor of my store. No, I'm afraid I can't dispose of that diaper for you.

The highway is just up this street, take a right, then your first left. No Walmart is not walking distance, unless you've got a six hours.

The best places to eat in town are Smokejacks and The Daily Planet. No, I'm afraid there is no "Applebee's" here, nope, there isn't a "TGIFridays" either. Yes, there is a Starbucks, but you'll have to pass five locally owned coffee shops to get there.

The "absolute best thing in the store" is that hand cream with shea butter. Right, it's twelve dollars. Yes, of course I understand that you wanted the best thing in the store to cost under five dollars. No, I'm afraid you can't break the safety seal on that product "just to smell it".

Sorry, no I can't make change. No, sorry I can't make change. Sorry, we can't make change for the parking meters. Hmmm, yes I am sure it's frustrating to have to find a place that will give you change for the meters. Yes, as a matter of fact I do get asked that all day long. Thank you for spending your valuable vacation time in my store, it's o.k. that you've just made an enormous mess, personally I love spending my entire day cleaning up after you. No, of course I don't mind at all that you've coated your entire body with a body oil and then proceeded to leave an oily fingerprint on everything in sight.

Of course, I don't mind it when your husband makes rude comments about my store and it's contents, and I'm sure he's not insinuating that I'm gay at all. Of course, you really intended to spend a whole bunch of money in my store but you need to save it up for your trip to Old Navy, I totally understand. The people who pay six dollars for a bar of soap aren't "idiots" at all, they just don't mind spending their money on a well made bar of soap instead of a Carmel Machiata from Starbucks or a single draft beer. Yes, you can in fact get everything in the store online, coincidently you can also buy it right here without having to pay shipping charges. No actually we are not a chain. Yes we are the original owners, no I'm afraid you're mistaken there was never "the owner before" us.

Of course Fido can come in. No we can't "watch" him while you have lunch at a restaurant down the street. Yes, actually you do have to clean up his poop on the sidewalk. I know how silly that sounds but it's the law.

As a matter of fact I am the owner, and I do in fact "know anything about these products". We have been here five years. Five years. Five years. Just over five years. Five years ago. A coffee shop was here before. No, there never was a store "just like this one" here before. We opened right after the coffee shop closed. No you didn't get that lotion here. Yes I'm sure. Yup positive. Right, of course, you're "100% percent sure" you bought it here two years ago, unfortunately we've never sold this product. I'm the owner that's how I can be so sure. Yes I am sorry that we don't carry that product, no I'm afraid we can't special order it for you, since we don't carry that product.

No I'm afraid I can't take a debit card for a two dollar lip balm. No, I'm sorry I can't give you cash back. No, I'm afraid we can't let you write a check if you live in Spain. I am afraid a three year old gift certificate made out to some other then yourself is definitely not valid. No, sorry I still can't make change for the meters. I'm sure the Body Shop has exactly what you're looking for. Oh, they sent you here. They are very nice people there.

I am sure that you have a very specific type of soap dish in mind, unfortunately we only have a few soap dishes. Oh yes that is very funny that we called the store Soapdish and we don't sell soap dishes. Yes, well, we sell what's inside of a soap dish. I'm sure the nice people at Old Navy would be glad to help you pick out a vintage ship. Or the gentlemen at Pottery Barn would be glad to show the pottery section of the barn. Or perhaps you'll find a nice piece of produce at Banana Republic.

Yes the spa is opening soon. The spa will be open soon. Yes, very soon. Very soon. Yes, you've been waiting a long time for the spa. Yes, of course it's still going to open. Yes very soon. Yes, the fucking spa is opening soon . . .

Spa update

2004-10-14T09:20:00.000-05:00

Someone stole our sign that we had in the doorway to the spa. Luckily it was only a temporary one, since our new sign and sandwich board aren't finished yet. We have no leads as to who might want our sign, but we have replaced it.

A woman came in the store yesterday and told me that she was naming her new catering company . . . are you ready for this? . . . "Dish Catering". . . . *sigh* She proceded to talk right over me, until I told her that she was going to have to talk to Kathy about it. Then she got all nervous, because I was very clear about who was in charge over there and apparently she knows Kathy. She called and left Kathy a message and Kathy hasn't called her back yet.

The landlord has finally finished his work in the building. Exactly two-hundred and forty-two days after our original opening date of February 15th. And 75 days after July 30th, the date he "promised" that we would be open by.

We've been getting alot of appointments and this is good, but we've also had a ton of cancellations as well. After talking to other practioners we've discovered that this kind of thing has been going on a lot lately. Very odd.

On a personal note, I've just learned that a very dear friend of mine may have cancer and it's really thrown all of us for a loop. I'm going to attempt to keep that kind of personal stuff seperate from my little journal, but if it pops up you'll just have to bear with me.

O.K. . . . So I take a break from writing this message and go to help Kathy at the spa and as I step outside I see, about half a block away, a man collapse onto the sidewalk and roll in to the street! I dial 911 and run over as a group of people are gathering and since we're just a couple hundred feet from a fire station someone runs over and within a minute there are paramedics on the scene. I think he had a heart attack.

Can I go back to bed now?

Links . . . explained

2004-10-06T12:41:00.000-05:00

Like most bloggers I love to place a list of my favorite links on my weblog. If you're like me you may glance over at some of these lists if you're really bored, but actual use of the list is secondary at best. So, in order to give you a reason to check out the list, I'm going to explain why the links are included.

dishbeautylounge - our new business, eventually you'll be able to purchase items here.
photobloggin' - my brother-in-law Aaron's photo blog. Updated daily.
the morning news - a very interesting site, it's been my home page for many years.
defective yeti - matt baldwin's site. It never fails to amuse and entertain.
truthout - news and opinion
mighty girl - maggie always has great stories from the bay area, she makes me miss SF badly.
the daily show - one of only three tv shows I watch regularly, and the only news show I ever watch. period.
burlington webcam - this webcam is mounted in the steeple of a building on the University campus that looks down College street towards Lake Champlain.
tony bourdain - what is there to say about the patron saint of line cooks. read about his books and exploits here.
runaway chef - another chef Tim retired from the restaurant business (if that's possible) and now travels throughout Asia. Read his daily journal here.
on the rail - are you in the weeds? If you know the answer to that question then this is the site for you. Keep your eyes open for articles written by yours truly.
saute wednesday - food writing and opinion.
eGullet - Society of culinary arts and letters (a high falutin' way of saying, a food snobs watering hole). Where you'll find me online.
salmmed - see "on the rail"
slow food - take some time to check this site out.
18th street lounge - a selection of great music.
instinct records - ditto
4ad - home of the cocteau twins and other musicians I enjoy
apod - astronomy picture of the day. when you really need some perspective
edward abbey - my favorite writer and a very big influence on my life in general not to mention a damned good source for quotes.
harper's - why read anything else?

Out with the old . . .

2004-10-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

My old blog is kaput. For a host of reasons, first and foremost I forgot my user ID and password, plus, the computer I was using to post is now the cash register at the spa, and I had given the address out to a few too many strangers and I was getting some really odd emails.

So, here is my latest attempt at entering the blogsphere (please don't ask me what that means). Since the election is mere weeks away and I've beaten that dead horse to bits this will be a new improved, light and fluffy blog full of happy thoughts and glad tidings . . .

Yeah, right . . .

My newest favorite band, don't get me wrong I still can't take this out of my cd player, but you've always got be searching.